The Best Five

Fracture is a pretty decent movie with an occasional memorable quote.  Here are 5 of those suckers: 5.   Ted Crawford:   Even a broken clock is right twice a day. 4.  Ted Crawford:   You know, my grandfather was an egg farmer....I used to candle eggs at his farm. Do you know what that is? You hold an egg up to the light of a candle and you look for imperfections. The first time I did it he told me to put all the eggs that were cracked or flawed into a bucket for the bakery. And he came back an hour later, and there were 300 eggs in the bakery bucket. He asked me what the hell I was doing. I found a flaw in every single one of them - you know, thin places in the shell; fine, hairline cracks. You look closely enough, you'll find that everything has a weak spot where it can break, sooner or later. 3. Judge Pincus: I appreciate your concern for the dignity of the court...Unfortunately, the man is a tax-paying citizen and entitled by our constitu...

5 .  Sam 'Slick' Brown: Pull yourself together, William! What's a confidence man without confidence? 4.   Sam 'Slick' Brown: [after shimmying up a tree to escape a bear] William, I think it's a cinnamon bear. Bill Peoria: I don't care what flavor he is. He's more apt to taste me. 3.   Sam 'Slick' Brown: An oil well is a hole in the ground surrounded by suckers. 2.    Soapy: It may interest to you to know, my good man, that I and the minutest coin of the realm are total strangers. Waiter: How's that? Soapy: I said I was broke! 1.  Johnny Kernan: Once they make you walk up an alley, you never use a front door again.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is, quite simply, one of the best TV shows ever.  Recently I watched the "Castle of Fu Manchu" episode, and figured I'd highlight some of my favorite riffs from it.  If you can't find it on Youtube, you can probably watch it on Hulu or Shout!FactoryTv. Here goes: 5.  Where has she been all my death? - Joel 4.  "Oh, come on! We can't keep making fun of the names! Get on with it! 3.  [On wooden acting] Ya know, if he was gonna express an emotion, now would be the perfect time to do it. 2.  "This is the trickle-down theory of plots!" 1.  "Women, children, spacemen, Indians, and sort-of-idealized representations of 16th Century Flemish merchants first!"

5.  A Basic Flaw In The Premise In House on Haunted Hill, an eccentric millionaire, Frederick Loren (Vincent Price), invites 5 people to a "haunted house" party for his wife.  It's not just any party, however.  Everyone who stays the entire night wins  $10,000!  The problem?  He also tells his guests that the doors are locked at midnight, so no one can get out.  How much sense does that make?  Well, not exactly a lot.  Those who were already motivated by money have an extra reason to stay:  They can't leave!  So, yeah, there are some shortcomings to this night of terror. 4.  The Owner of the House Watson Pritchard (Elisha Cook), one of the guests. is also the woner of the house.  And, damn, is ever creeped out by the place!  It's not without reason, either.  His brother and stepsister were murdered there, and apparently almost died himself after spending the night there.  Why would he stay t...

Charlie, Dennis and Mac try to prove they're not racist, for varying reasons. 5.   Dee Reynolds: I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio - which is really weird because I've never been to Ohio. And this guy was wearing a bunny suit, and he was coming out of... Dennis Reynolds: [interrupting her] You know what Dee, I don't want to hear about your dream, okay? I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them, and nobody's having sex, I just... don't care. 4.  Mac: "Looking for a new hotspot to spot that stud? Well, Paddy's Irish Pub will plug that hole." Charlie Kelly: Well, that's a good notice. Mac: No, that is not a good notice. I don't want to be plugging anyone's holes. 3.   Large Man in Towel: [emerges from bathroom] How's that ass feel? [smacks Dennis' ass] 2.   Handsome Guy: You have the most beautiful eyes...

5.  It Introduces The Concept of Using Insecticides To Get High Yes, you read that right.  And guess what?  That's a fairly consistent plot point throughout the movie.  The main character, William Lee (Peter Weller) has found that his wife Joan (Judy Davis) is stealing his bug powder and getting high from it.  She even calls it a "Kafka high," because of Kafka's famous novel "The Metamorphosis," about a guy who has transformed into a giant roach.  You almost have to respect a movie willing to adopt such a unique angle, right?  One needn't add any more weirdness to it and it would already be a rather odd movie.  Still, even more weirdness gets piled on.