The Best Five

Charlie, Dennis and Mac try to prove they're not racist, for varying reasons. 5.   Dee Reynolds: I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio - which is really weird because I've never been to Ohio. And this guy was wearing a bunny suit, and he was coming out of... Dennis Reynolds: [interrupting her] You know what Dee, I don't want to hear about your dream, okay? I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them, and nobody's having sex, I just... don't care. 4.  Mac: "Looking for a new hotspot to spot that stud? Well, Paddy's Irish Pub will plug that hole." Charlie Kelly: Well, that's a good notice. Mac: No, that is not a good notice. I don't want to be plugging anyone's holes. 3.   Large Man in Towel: [emerges from bathroom] How's that ass feel? [smacks Dennis' ass] 2.   Handsome Guy: You have the most beautiful eyes...

5.  It Introduces The Concept of Using Insecticides To Get High Yes, you read that right.  And guess what?  That's a fairly consistent plot point throughout the movie.  The main character, William Lee (Peter Weller) has found that his wife Joan (Judy Davis) is stealing his bug powder and getting high from it.  She even calls it a "Kafka high," because of Kafka's famous novel "The Metamorphosis," about a guy who has transformed into a giant roach.  You almost have to respect a movie willing to adopt such a unique angle, right?  One needn't add any more weirdness to it and it would already be a rather odd movie.  Still, even more weirdness gets piled on.

What can I say about Killer Klowns from Outer Space?  It's one of those movies.    Here are some of my favorite quotes from it, mang! 5.  Mike Tobacco : Isn't this place great or what? It looks like it was decorated by Klowns R Us. 4.   Farmer Gene Green : Did you see that little ole sky doggie zip down there, Pooh? 3.  [after finding the Big Top] Farmer Gene Green : Well I'll be greased and fried! 2.  M ike Tobacco : It was a space ship. And there was these things, these killer clowns, and they shot popcorn at us! We barely got away! 1.  "I'm Jo-Jo the Ice Cream Klown, we'll give you a stick, you'll give it a lick. And it'll tickle you all the way down. Ice cream, ice cream, we brought our goodies here to you! A tasty treat for while you screw! Let's take a break! Cool off those hot lips with our frozen fruity bars! Icy-wicy, fudgy-wudgy cars.   And everyone's frozen delight, the lick a stick!"

This British sitcom was something my grandma often watched on PBS, so when I saw it was on Netflix I couldn't resist checking it out all these years later.  It is still fun to watch Hyacinth Bucket and the rest of her crazy family.  I also still wonder about her candlelight suppers.  How often does she actually host one?  Anyway, here is a list of my favorite quotes from the show.  Enjoy! 5.  [Hyacinth is startled into the hedge by the barking dog] Onslow: Less noise, you daft bitch! That goes for you as well, dog! 4.  Hyacinth: If there's one thing that distinguishes us from other people, it's the absence of vulgar noises. 3.  Hyacinth: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's snobbery and one-upmanship. People trying to pretend they're superior. Makes it so much harder for those of us who really are. 2.   Hyacinth:   Completely conducive to contemplating cozy charismatic country cottages . 1.  Last but not least: ...

I must confess that I haven't really celebrated Halloween in a while.  I have fond memories of it, but that is what they are:  Memories.  So this post is perhaps an attempt to get into the Halloween spirit.  Am I too early with it?  I don't know.  I know Christmas stuff starts earlier every year, so why not Halloween?  Halloween is, after all, the king of all Holidays -- and I say this as someone who was born on Thanksgiving. (I must say:  Sorry, Martin Luthor King Day, but until people start giving out free candy and dressing up like zombies and pirates to celebrate your dream, your holiday will not be #1). Okay, so the best five things about Halloween? 5.   The Games and Activities For whatever reason, I remember doing the whole bobbing for apples thing, and I only remember doing that once.  Nevertheless, I really enjoyed that.  It was simple yet effective, and easy to set up.  But a much simpler aspect of Halloween i...

1987's movie "The Running Man" may not be the greatest movie of all time, but it still has its share of entertainment value.  For one thing, it is the only Stephen King movie to star Arnold Schwarzenegger (who, before becoming a crappy Governor, was perhaps the king of "guilty pleasure" action movie stars). The rudimentary plot goes like this:  In 2017, America has become a totalitarian police state (not much of a stretch there, right?).  Arnold's character Ben Richards was wrongfully convicted of a helicopter massacre of civilians during a food riot.  Richards escapes, takes a woman named Amber Mendez hostage, but gets caught again after Amber alerts airport security.  Long story short, Richards is offered a chance at clemency by reality show host Damon Killian (played by real life talk show host Richard Dawson), if he is willing to star on The Running Man -- a show wherein "runners" are offered pardons if they can successfully evade various...

This movie is for the boids! (Nyuk nyuk nyuk!) (DON'T LOOK UP MOVIES ON THE INTERNET IF YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT SPOILERS. GET IT?  GOT IT? GOOD!) 5.   The Mere Fact That The Bad Guys Are Birds Alfred Hitchcock's " The Birds " is quite the masterpiece.  Not only is it a great horror movie, but it's also a great look into the psychology of its characters, and conveys the fear all of us have of being ganged up on.  The fact that the enemies are birds is a great idea, as birds typically serve no threat to human beings.  In this movie they are not only threatening but downright terrifying.  Just as mysterious are the moments where the birds calm down, seemingly lulled by some unknown force.      Then, when they begin acting up again, it is almost as though they reflect the growing insecurities of the characters -- particularly poignant when people start blaming it all on Tippi Hedron's character Melanie Daniels,who happens to be the stra...